The Awards You Didn't Know You were waiting for...

The Dames

The first ever Dames award for excellence in satiric titles goes to:

 Me,

 and here, those clever titles and, stupid films are:

The Most Satisfying Film Award

Goes to:

“Fury Road”

Satisfying only because I knew it would stink worse than dog shit! I’m truly perplexed by the overwhelmingly positive reaction to this…this…this, film? I would rather watch Plan 9 from Outer Space again than watch it, and Plan 9 gave me a migraine.

The Best Piece of Trailer Trash Award

Goes to:

“The Gigolo”

The ghosts of The Shaw Bros. still haunt HK cinema & I couldn’t be happier.

The Benicio “Fenster” Del Toro Commemorative Award for Mumbling Your Way To Fame Award

Goes to:

Dane DeHaan in Life

Apart from his every utterance being incomprehensible, this was another superb outing from Dane. I thought “Life” a far superior film to the reviews it received. So Jimmy Dean is played as almost mystic, but that is the place we’ve accorded him in history. Those wanting to accuse me of bias, as D. DeHane is so pretty, have a fair case; but in my defence I thought Pattinson was good, too, and he’s far from attractive.

The how I met the guy from how I met your mother and he was wearing a bandana award for least convincing portrayal of a pop martyr 

Goes to

“The End of the Tour”

Producers would have been ready for Jesse Eisenberg to play Doogie Howser but they would have been disappointed to see Jason Segel playing himself, and not DFW.

The Best Consigned to the Dustbin of History Award

 

Goes to

Emile Hirsch

Best Besting by a whistle-blower Award

Goes to

Hannibal Buress,

 He’s far funnier than Cosby.

The “ There’s a Hole in the Beckett ” Award for best ending to a long running sitcom

The Fat Liza has Sung and the award goes to

Peep Show

The “I appeared in a terrible Nick Hornby adaptation (There are no good ones) in a bowl cut, and that was the high point of my career"Award

Goes to

Nicholas Hoult

Hoult his career! Please!

The “Everybody Else in The World knows him, but fortunately I don’t” Award

Goes to

Tom Hardy