22 Jan 2016

Uncool TV

(Above) A scene from the very good 'Black Mirror."
Obviously not the sort of show you'll see on UncoolTV 
(Below) Network, 1976.

Uncool TV


I’ve seen the past of technology and its name is television.

So starting tonight,  broadcasting from an abandoned hotel beside the Suzhou Creek, homeless fisherman permitting, and using only the cheapest of technology to save funds for high quality programming; my latest foray into retro kitsch:  Uncool TV

Check the links to sample some of the televisual goodness only showing on Uncool TV.

Viewing Guide(29/02/87)


6.20pm:
GTS/BKN News- Presented, possibly from beyond the grave but with the hairpiece safely in place, by Bruce Bennetts*

(*This was the local TV station of my childhood. Anything I  dream up as satire couldn't touch them, they were peerless in their ineptitude.)


6.30pm:
The late, great Patrick Cargill in “Heil Honey I’m Home.” See Adolf and Eva as they really were, just a loveable pair of goofy honeymooners.


7.00pm
It’s Australia’s own “ Hey Dad “, to paraphrase Dann Lennard it’s about as funny as paedophilia, and now we know why!

It’s actually too shit a program to include a link to; so here’s an episode of Parsley Sidings instead.

7.30pm
“Kirk Cameron Saves Christmas”  See if Kirk can save Christmas before Dames can jerk off over Kirk. ( My money’s on you , Kirk. Swoon.)



9.00pm
“Molly”- Australia picks up again on the trend of cheesily retooling retro pop idols. Guess what? It’s execrable!




10:00pm
“TJ. Hooker”: William Shatner shows the acting chops and discretion  in  selecting material that made him second banana to only one man on 80’s TV. (David Hasselhoff.)



11:00pm
Point of View” with BA Santamaria. I needed to jerk off again, so I put this cutie on. (Now he’s dead BA just lies there, in my fantasy, complacent and compliant.)


Oh, talk aberrant to me again BA!

11:10
“Cradle to the Grave.” At uncool TV we like to leave the worst to last. Here it is: “C.t.t.G. “ About lovable rogues doin’ it ‘ard but ‘appy in their cool threads and their ‘ardness. (Would you like some saccharine with that saccharine?)  In the parlance of its protagonists: this is a load of old wank and bollocks barely worthy of the heady title "dramedy". Make sure you have your slippers on(So they don’t damage the big screen  that you won on a particularly good night at the dogs, as you throw an exasperated piece of foot apparel at the box.) then slip into the nightmare that is British, middle of the road, family, nostalgic “entertainment.”


Peter Kay redefining Cockney understatement in" C.t.t.G."

 
11:40
Station Close




Uncool TV.

We deliver on our promise.



Station mascot from a GMO farm in NZ.

5 comments:

  1. I can see that you are an expert at your field! I am launching a website soon, and your information will be very useful for me.. Thanks for all your help and wishing you all the success in your business. What TV is right for me

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  3. You're too kind, but obviously please don't stop.

    I am not sure that my point about where to find accommodation on the banks of Suzhou Creek is one I'm right on though.

    ReplyDelete
  4. You're too kind, but obviously please don't stop.

    I am not sure that my point about where to find accommodation on the banks of Suzhou Creek is one I'm right on though.

    ReplyDelete
  5. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete